When it gets harder...

I was so looking forward this week to announcing the good news that we were expecting number 7. I found out two weeks ago and had my OB appt set for Sept. 12. I was a little nervous but all in all I had a good feeling about this baby.

On Sept. 11 at 4:00a.m. I woke up in horrible pain. As we got ready to go to the ER I begged God to let me keep my baby. All the way to the hospital I just prayed and prayed that my baby would be ok.

Around 9 a.m. we knew that would not be. I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was in surgery in just a few hours and came out two and a half hours later with one less fallopian tube and no baby. I ended up with severe nausea and trouble breathing so I spent the night at the hospital.

This past week has been one of recovery and healing. At one point the other day I thought, "Just when I thought life could not get any harder, it did."

I don't know why God has set this as my path right now. I've had some talks with Him about the whole thing. I am holding on to my faith as hard as I can. My Bible remains closed for right now, but God and I are still talking. I'm recalling verses that I've memorized and I'm thankful for those.

I have encouraging words from friends and those mean a lot to me. I like to process things in silence so I have not talked about it a whole lot yet. I probably won't for a little while. It's just how I deal with stuff. I'll be ok. I'll be back in my Bible soon. I know this is all just part of the battle we fight and I won't let the devil have any victory.

Your prayers are appreciated.

A Mother's Prayer

The history of John Newton is often mentioned as a proof of the deep and lasting impression which a mother may produce upon the mind of her child. He had a pious mother. She often retired to her closet, and placing her hand upon his youthful head, implored God's blessing upon her boy. These prayers and instructions sunk deep into his heart. He could not but revere that mother. He could not but feel that there was a holiness in such a character, demanding reverence and love. He could not tear from his heart, in after life, the impressions then produced. Though he became a wicked wanderer, though he forsook friends and home, and every virtue; the remembrance of a mother's prayers, like a guardian angel, followed him wherever he went. He mingled in the most evil and disgraceful scenes of a sailor's life, and while surrounded with guilty associates, in midnight revelry, he would fancy he felt the soft hand of his mother upon his head, pleading with God to forgive and bless her boy. He went to the coast of Africa, and became even more degraded than the savages upon her dreary shores. But the soft hand of his mother was still upon his head, and the fervent prayers of his mother still thrilled in his heart. And this influence, after the lapse of many guilty years, brought back the prodigal, a penitent and a child of God; elevated him to be one of the brightest ornaments of the Christian church, and to guide many sons and daughters to glory. What a forcible comment is this upon the power of maternal influence! And what encouragement does this present to every mother to be faithful in her efforts to train up her child for God! Had Mrs. Newton neglected her duty, had she even been as remiss as many Christian mothers, her son, to all human view, might have continued in sin, and been an outcast from heaven. It was through the influence of the mother that the son was saved. Newton became afterward a most successful preacher of the Gospel, and every soul which he was instrumental in saving, as he sings the song of redeeming mercy, will, through eternity, bless God that Newton had such a mother.

THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER

by John Abbott, 1833, Worcester, Mass.
Published by the American Tract Society

As I look upon my children I often wonder who they will grow up to be. I pray fervently for their hearts and souls. I pray that not only will they know the saving power of Jesus Christ in their live, but that they will live their lives wholly devoted to Him. I don't want my kids to think of salvation as fire insurance. We spend time in the morning pouring over God's word together. We spend time during our group time studying Who Is God? Last night we had a whole discussion about how our inward appearance can greatly affect our outward appearance. It's things like this that I hope will turn my children's hearts towards Jesus. No matter what though, I will always pray for my children, just as Mother Newton prayed for her dear John.

God is a God of mercy and grace. As my children grow I have seen times of doubt in some of their lives. I have seen one of my precious children question this God of the universe. It always sends me to my knees. I know I have to let this child grow up and make their own decisions. I know one day this child will go their own way. All I can do is give this child the tools and foundation to build their life on the ROCK. If they choose to move to sandy ground I will pray, pray, pray. I will never cease praying for my kids and I have told each one of them that.

Not too long ago, we had an incident where one of my children was battling a sin in their life. This child had hardened their heart and would not show repentance of this sin for any amount of begging and pleading. I finally looked said child in the eye and told them a mother's prayers never cease. I have seen some change in this child. While not the repentance I was hoping for I have to believe that they are working towards that just by the change in their attitude.

Cleaning my home and homeschooling are all important to me. Still, they come in dead last to my childrens' souls and relationship with our God. I would live in a messy house with ignorant children if it meant every one of my children could enjoy a lasting full relationship with Jesus Christ. I'm so thankful that I don't have to and that God has shown me that my childrens' hearts are receptive to the Word of God. I am thankful that I have time in my day to clean and homeschool and share Jesus with my children.

I just pray that my relationship with God is one that overflows into my home and my childrens' lives. Amen.

My thoughts on blogging.

I can't believe it's been 2 weeks. The idea of having a blog to talk about my home and family life and hold me semi-accountable is not going very well. We've had some surprises around here lately that I am trying to process. It means more changes for our little household, but we have to believe that God is always in control!!
I have a lot going on. I have portfolio checks for two of my kids this month, laundry backed up to the ends of the earth, a bedroom that keeps accumulating stuff, an empty fridge and pantry that really needs a good shopping trip to be restocked, and a toddler who loves to climb and play in the garbage. I could not be happier with this life. Blogging is a me thing and I will continue doing it as I can. Some people have said that young mothers should not have blogs. I've heard it said that we should spend the time we spend blogging being moms. I agree with that to an extent. I love writing on my blog. I have actually made some pretty good friends via blogs over the past few years of doing this. I love, love, love reading blogs. I get so much inspiration from other women who are walking this same road I'm on. All the houses around mine are empty right now. People are at work and school. I see other bloggers as my neighbors. People I can sit down with occasionally and learn from or share with.

I do spend a lot of time with my kids. I think spending 30m reading some blogs or posting my own blog is a nice way to energize me for the rest of the day. Right now, Jonathan and Adrian are cleaning their room. (It was already clean so I don't really know what they are doing. They are getting along and working together so I'm not going to look to closely.) Lily is chasing Tamara and Kelsie is chasing Lily, a lot of giggling is what I hear. Karly is sprawled on the floor by me reading a book. She stops to tell me about it every now and then. I'm in the midst of them living this life.

I'm hoping to carve out a little more time this month to blog. I'm in the midst of lots of projects and changes that I really want to share. If you don't see me here, though, just know that I am living the best life ever!